Pardon my dust. I’ve not abandoned this Newsmine. I’ve been involved with real world dealings that can not be ignored.
The regular scheduled snark will return soon enough.
In the meantime, watch the wonderful Bill Hader do something funny. I can’t say much for the others with him, but Hader is definite win.
Ugh. Web Hosts are expensive. Domain moving frightens me. I want a Web Elf, a Red Bull and a foot massage. A Robot French Maid with exclusive super resilient biotech vagina technology would be nice. Especially if she cooks and cleans.
Have you heard of this Patton Oswalt fellow? He says things that are quite funny.
Observe:
“I speak Klingon — who am I fooling? You win! I’m just gonna openly like what I like.” Geeks tend to be a little happier with themselves.
My wife is probably hoping, “Maybe tonight he’ll just go to a strip club…” Instead, I’m out rolling dice and saying things like, “I don’t know if a Wall of Fog spell lasts that long!”
Wired: You also say that if you had a time machine, you’d go back and kill George Lucas with a shovel before he could make the Star Wars prequels. Ouch!
Oswalt: The prequels are like offering someone ice cream, then giving them a bag of rock salt and saying, “Eventually, you can turn this into ice cream.” Star Wars is ice cream. Don’t give us rock salt.
That was Patton Oswalt at Wired Magazine on mid-life D&D gaming, accepting your geekness, and telling truths about Star Wars prequles. He’s a hilarious, genius of a man.
Also it’s Death of NEXTWAVE Day:
For as long as you live. Whether you know what I’m talking about or not. Something will always be missing from your heart, and that constant incompleteness will drain the joy from every single moment of your existence until you lay on your death bed, listening to your pulse stutter and stop, knowing that somehow, someway… you failed at life.
Knowing that nothing in the world had been right since Death Of NEXTWAVE Day.
Warren Ellis, BAD SIGNAL 02-14-2007
NEXTWAVE was love. Now nothing means anything anymore. Excuse me while I crawl into my fetal corner and gently weep tears of skunky beer.
Damn you, NEXTWAVE! How can you do this to me!?
What am I saying? I deny your denial. My heart will forever carry your thoughts of me in that pathetically stalker kind of way. You better shut your blinds, NEXTWAVE, cause I’m outside looking in with a pair of binoculars,a rubber hose and a can of pepper spray.
I love you, NEXTWAVE.
I hate you.
I’ve been all in this noise the past week and it’s time The Groonk weighed in. Who would win in this ultimate battle of aerial predatory paragons?
One word. Two syllables.
Deathroll.
Croc’s got the shark beat, folks. Deal with it.
One of the more original, simple, and funny websites I’ve come across. Take pictures of yourself with various weird expressions then post on the internet. Add photoshop techniques as required.
So damn simple. Why didn’t I think of it?
-groonk
I was about to do the write up on The Onion and realized I already did onemonths ago.
Damn if everything I write this morning lacks The Right Funny™.
How about I just share some headlines and call it done?
Sorta-Attractive Girl Half-Heartedly Hit On
God Angrily Clarifies ‘Don’t Kill’ Rule
(The entire special report titled Holy Fucking Shit: Attack on America is worth a read)
That’s only the tip of the iceberg kids.
-groonk
How indeed? Sounds like my old boss.
-groonk
I’m not big on joke telling but here’s my standard one whenever someone asks:
Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
These are the jokes folks.
Actually these are the jokes. And the bar joke that started this post.
Feel free to post your own in ‘overloads’.
-groonk
THE STATE MTV SHOW
has never been rerun or released on video (aside from the “Skits and Stickers” compilation). MTV is currently developing a new State DVD.
Snarky wit. Hapless military grunts. No strangers to sarcasm.
It’s no wonder why I dig Blood Gulch.
-Groonk
Newsmine