The second might of ROME has re-conquered HBO and I am very pleased. Atia‘s scheming may soon take a back seat to son Octavian’s quiet genius. Brutus may not recover from the recent tyrannicide of Julius Ceasar. Mark Antony will not rise from bed until he has fucked someone. Oh to live the life of the ancient playa that is Antony.
The most important bit about ROME’s final return(HBO will pay dearly for ending ROME in this second season) is Titus Pullo(above right) and Lucius Vorenus(above left). The baddest badasses of badassery(see above). All technical terms, I assure you.
They take on scores of highwaymen, by themselves, and come through the battle victorious, barely scathed. They handle the roman equivalent of a mafia with the same results(again, seen above). They epitomize, my History Channel knowledge of the actual, factual Rome, what it is to be the boldest, shit-kicking-est mutherpuckers the Roman army can turn out.
Vorenus is having a time of it these days. His wife, Niobe, committed suicide before he could murder her. There’s a whole thing about being gone for 8 years at war and she, thinking Vorenus dead, did what any sane person would do and moved on with her life. That moving-on included having a son not from Vorenus’ loins. Vorenus was not happy about that.
Titus, the wandering thug turned roman private first class. He killed his slave’s lover on impulse. Then he convinces her to marry him instead. This after her numerous attempts to avenge her dead love with many attempts on Titus’ life. But for all of Titus’ murderous thuggery, he’s loyal til the end to Vorenus and to Rome, in that order.
Why do I like ROME? Gods, I don’t know. It may be the vicarious viciousness. It could be because the roman senate is lousy with politicking. A kind of interesting and literal bloodthristy politicking. I’m betting it’s because it is badass enough to keep my attention every week. And… I’m afraid of it. If I happen to miss an episode, the might of Rome, in the guise of HBO suits, will come for me in the night and I will go the way of Ceasar last season.
Then all anyone will think to say of my passing will be, “Sic Semper Tyrannus.”
*The History Channel has taught me that the Romans did not limit their slave-having to the simple color of their skin. They were equal opportunity. The dominated where promptly enslaved. Theirs was a higher form of human oppression.
