Here’s a little Public Service Announcement inspired by another round of ER rotations:
Don’t drink and drive kids…if you do, you will probably end up in an accident. Then, large, sweaty firemen will arrive and cut you out of your car (if you’re still alive) and put your neck in a collar that hurts like hell and strap you down to a straight, hard board. Then they’ll cut your clothes off of you to make sure they know about all the injuries you have.
If you’ve been really injured, you’ll get 2 large-bore IVs in each arm…otherwise, you’ll get by with just one (you better hope you have easy veins, too, because they’ll stick you till they hit one). Once you get to the hospital, you’ll be lying on a bed, naked, in front of about 12 people – still with your neck in a collar and lying on a hard board. One doctor will stick two large needles into your groin – yes, groin – to draw blood from an artery and vein. At some point, they’ll turn you on your side and a doctor will put his or her lubricated finger up your ass – yes, a finger up your ass, whether your ass was involved or not. After that, you may or may not get a Foley catheter. That involves lubing up a tube and pushing it up your penis or vagina (depending upon your plumbing) until it gets into your bladder. Luckily for you, you probably won’t get to see the tube because if you did, you’d swear there was no way something that large was going to go up a hole that small. And don’t think for a moment you get any sedation for this – there isn’t time for all that.
So remember kids – each time you drink and drive, there’s the chance of a DUI conviction and killing people and losing your license…and a big ‘ol finger up your ass. And of you DO manage to wreck and don’t get the DUI or kill someone or lose your license…you’re still getting the finger.
-MedicMike
