It began on a Sunday. That was the day I called Dunc! and said, ?Zombies.?
Dunc! was unflappable, ?I take it you want to see Dawn of the Dead??
?ZOMBIES!,? was my reply.
And with that, we were off to see some undead critters take over a suburban town.
Dawn of the Dead was surprisingly good. Though I noticed that the plot was similar to 28 Days Later, which, in turn, has roots in the original 1970?s Dawn of the Dead. This century?s DoD treated the ?zombie? dilemma as an unknown rapidly spreading infection. The word zombie wasn?t mentioned even once when describing the undead freaks that were hunting down our heroes.
And holy crap?those dead folk could move! All you needed was a zombie bite and inevitable death to turn you into an unholy Olympic wonder. Even if you were 300 pounds of plodding living flesh, one bite and your undead legs could sprint marathons. Apparently, death is the ultimate workout.
Before the flick began, I was talking smack. Something I?m known to do from time to time. This smack talk followed along the lines of. ?Zombies have never been a fear of mine. 28 Days Later only creeped me out because its slant of scientific ?rage? zombies hovers in the realm of possibility. I can easily buy a manmade plague that created insane freaks that want to beat the crap out of me. Hell, those folks exist without the addition of the virus angle.?
?The original Dawn of the Dead was only dead folk foot-sliding around for easy meals. Nothing creepy there at all. Get a bat and beat the snot out of its slow moving ass. That?s what I say. Until an undead American knocks on my door at 5 in the morn? looking to have me for dinner? I won?t consider the zombie nation threatening.?
That night, however, I had the strangest dreams. I was all alone in some unknown location surrounded by gobs of dead-ish people looking to tear me apart. All I had was a katana and the knowledge that I had to get a headshot on them to bring about their second, permanent, death. They swarmed and I cut. They swarmed again?more cutting.
Just as they were coming at me for the big kill, I woke up.
For reasons unknown, I told Dunc! about the nightmare. Now, like any good friend should, Dunc! won?t let me live it down.
?We could rent this movie, Groonk, but it has zombies in it.? Or the classic, ?Zombies don?t bother me?I don?t see why people are afraid of zombies.? Said in that all too familiar mocking tone, of course.
Zombie fear still doesn?t crack the top ten list of Things that make Groonk Run away like a Scared Little Girl. That particular list is short and possibly non-existent (unless we’re talking about clowns, but that’s a totally different subject). I honestly don?t know why I dreamed of undead hordes looking to make me a meal.
Maybe it was something I ate.
