August 16th, 2008
My Hour of the Wolf Won't Let Me Sleep
I feel like drowning in a sea of 80s bubble gum sentiments, a malaise of selfish intentions, and great quantities of vodka.
I settled for Real Genius…
..and my last few bottles of Fosters.
July 17th, 2007
C.O.P.S. Fighting Crime in a Future Time While Wearing Spats
The nostaliga fueled insanity that began yesterday with FLASH GORDON stumbles blindly into C.O.P.S. “Fighting Crime in a Future Time.”
For the life of me I can’t remember anything worthwhile about this toon. Wiki reports it last about a year with 66 episodes in tow and that it was fairly popular. It couldn’t have been that popular cause the damn thing ended after a year and I’m blanking on any of the stories they featured.
Seeing the intro(look above) proves to me they were all about making the thing as stylized as the 80s could provide. A pleasant mix of 1930s prohibition crimefighting for relevance thrown into the future to make it interesting enough for an 8 year old to take notice.
In the 21st century, spats are like crimefighting Uggs.
I wasn’t 8 years old at the time but I was addicted to animation. If you haven’t noticed already. Can’t draw a lick though. My artist envy is great. So I watched the C.O.P.S. fight their crime in their future time as a time killer until something better came along.
If this “Drugs are Bad, Mkay” episode(part 1 & part 2) is any indication of a quality C.O.P.S. story, I would have been better off playing ball in the street.
July 16th, 2007
FLASH: Whip Wielding Lizard Women were what Kids Watched in 1979
SCIFI Channel’s go at a new FLASH GORDON series had my mind racing. I could recall back in a more innocent day watching an animated FLASH GORDON. It was some sort of Filmation production. You know, the guys that would later do mid 1980s HE MAN AND THE MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE?
Wouldn’t you know I found animated Flash Gordon on God’s Loving Heart(aka You Tube) just a few action-packed minutes ago. I settle in for a short gander at what 6 year old me used for eye-candy on Saturday mornings.
Oh. My. GOD!
Lizard Women scantily clad in black singlets? And they have whips!?I’ll be damned.
Princess Aura? Shitifre, look at her!
Two minute jokes about prison food that lack any sort of punchline? Well, that part I would happily forget.
My curiosity deepens. I must see what “The Monsters of Mongo- pt1” is all about. A few light clicks later and I’m rewarded with what has to be the best intro sequence of any 1979 cartoon. The best one I can recall, anyway.
LOOK at THAT! They blew the entire budget on the title sequence alone. Which explains why we see the same Run Cycle for Flash and Co. about 30 times in an episode. You hear that music? It makes me want to stand and fight all the Big Bads in all the world…mercilessly. Plus, rotoscoping is love.
Princess Aura has JIGGLE MOTION! No lie! The sequence as Aura and her Warrior Wenches(thanks for learning me new words Lion Man) rides a flock of Monster Ostriches in order to catch her an Earth Man. It’s there, I tell you, 4 min 36 seconds before Flash runs away from a herd of women.
I’m sitting here watching all these things and I wonder. Was Filmation looking to jump start the libideos of all 6 year old males in the nation? I look at Aura and I realize that’s why I dig lusty redheads with a penchant for evil.
I believe I’m ready for the new FLASH GORDON series now, SCIFI. I have a hope you don’t fuck it up. A hope that’s dashed when I re-read your latest PR report via the Sci Fi Wire.
The solution was to make the planet Mongo more of a real, dystopian world, Hume said: “It’s more of a Mad Max world that’s broken down into tribes. It’s sort of oppressed. It’s an ecologically damaged planet, and Ming [John Ralston] controls the only source of good water and sort of sells it. And his city … is almost like a modern-day Dubai. And outside of the city, there’s a lot of, like, small tribes. And a lot of those tribes are inspired by the original Alex Raymond tribes. So you’ll get to meet those characters.”
[…]
“We have Hawkmen, but they’re guys that … follow the way of the hawk … and are all about birds, and they do kind of fly, but they’re not guys with wings sprouting out of their backs. … The [Prince] Vultan character is a much more grounded leader of his people.”
I read that and compared it to the action adventure series I saw back in 1979 and I’m sure of one thing. You’re not quite sure what makes Flash Gordon FLASH GORDON. Whatever you need to do to update the idea sure, fine, if it floats your boat I’ll give it a test ride for a few episodes. But Hawkmen without wings? A Ming that’s not “Merciless”? Considering the source material that seems a bit silly.
Don’t worry, SCIFI. I’ll still give your series a looksee. The TV Universe is lacking any decent kind of fantasy, adventure these days. To look down on yours because of a few questionable concept ideas would be foolish. I mean, it couldn’t be any worse than the current hot mess PAINKILLER JANE. Right?
Shit. I just jinxed everything didn’t I?
May 1st, 2006
Return of the 80s: Falling on my head like a memory
The 80s have infected my brain. Right now, I’m listening…unashamedly…to every damn 80s song I have in my collection. The Eurythmicsare asking me why I don’t love them anymore. It’s ok, Annie. I still love you. I’m just not in love with you.
Van Halen is jumping about being “Hot for Teacher”.
Level 42, well there’s just something about them.
My 80s music collection would shame many a nerf herder. I could jam in my parachute pants for 19 hours without a repeat. Yet there are so many more songs that I don’t own.
Songs from bands like Full Force and New Edition. Or Laid Back who told me riding white horses was dangerous, while riding white ponies was just fine.(I chose to ride neither.) There are also songs that haven’t made the jump from crummy radio mix-tapes to digital mix-pods. Hell, there are proper albums that still haven’t digi-volved.
I don’t understand why I succumb to these bouts of 80s flu. Those times held nothing truly remarkable for me. My true friends and adventures didn’t come around until college. Yet I still feel nostalgia for that decade of bad hair and excessive me-ness.
I wax nostalgic for the time an actor held the presidency for 8 years and always knew which camera was live. It was his secret power.
The Cold War was fought in the movie theaters. Top Gun, Russkies, and Gotcha! were warning shots fired across its bow.
 
 
Nerds had their revenge.
The Schoolhouse rocked!
I played more than my fair share of Mario Bros. on Nintendo:
Hey, KOOL AID!
It was alright. I was…
Teenage romp movies actually had romping. By romping I mean boobies and “downstairs” were plentiful
All I wanted for Christmas was the Autobot Transformer Jetfire.
And I officially became hooked on comics:
If I’m not careful my brain-fever could become terminal.
(Super Mario re-enactment via Dunc!)
